Secret Women’s Business vol. II

Ah, women’s troubles. 50% of the population knows what I’m talking about, the rest either run in terror, or become longsuffering partners. I’m no stranger to the horrors of period pain and wild hormonal fluctuations, and the wrath of the monster of women’s periods can be a very difficult animal to tame. Just ask most men. On one hand I feel sorry for them, but on the other I wish that there was more understanding. So often, it’s hard to understand what you don’t know…

I love these old ads for “sanitary protection” and just plain pain killers apparently made for the purpose. It’s no suprise of course, that period troubles have been an issue for women since the year dot.

Even if you’re terrified of womanly afflictions, stay with me here. You may be entertained.


Ok, the first thing that stands out here is that scrubbed skin reduces the appearance of hickeys? News to me… not that I recall ever having such a cliche. Get off my neck! I can see how being hickey free would boost your date bookings, though. Also, how nice that your nether regions will smell sweet and dainty with Kotex’s built in cancer-causing deodorant.

Hmm. Maybe I should start using Kotex. We can always use more confidence and the ability to sail serenely though those difficult days.

That’s it. I’m sold.


Oooh! Tampons! Now we’re getting a bit forward. Inserted internally, you say? I’d have to say yes. Could you imagine actually having to wear belts and pins?? Let alone that odor! Good Lord. The very thought.


Are these people still in business? I think not. Were they so far ahead of their time that every woman was just way too old-fashioned to be sold on their catchy name? History will only tell…


Oh, this is way too easy. I do have to ask, however, what is functional period pain? As opposed to…? Midol isn’t a brand that is available where I live, but I assume it’s fairly garden-variety paracetamol. That stuff doesn’t even touch the sides, believe me.

With all the technology in the world, can someone please invent a “cure” for all the horrors of women’s periods? It’s time for the subject to be addressed in a big way. And why am I still to this day cloaking it in polite, easily digestible words?

Still, we can have a bit of a giggle at the ads…


~ by at her discretion on January 29, 2008.

8 Responses to “Secret Women’s Business vol. II”

  1. good old fifties

  2. Very funny.

  3. I don’t doubt that if it was men who had to suffer periods every month that they would be pain and trouble free by now. Don’t even get me started on childbirth! Someone should really be throwing money at that and trying to improve the experience….

    That first ad is funny. Who becomes addicted to tantrums or hickey trouble? I’ll be switching to Kotex from now on though, to avoid all that roping and wadding up. It can be such a drag. ;-)

    Isn’t it annoying that menstrual cramps are described as “simple” and “functional”?

  4. “Hey mum… do you ever feel… dirty down there?”

    I’ve seen this poster ad for hot flushes. There’s this woman sleeping in the fridge, with the door open. That is so stupid, have these people ever heard of air-conditioners?

  5. Guerrillero – A different world, indeed.

    aporia24 – Glad you enjoyed it. I love the old advertisments…

    AWTF – Oh, no kidding. Another thing that really bugs me is that tampons and pads are considered a luxury by our male dominated government, and therefore subject to GST. Unbelievable. Like we have a choice.

    Kotex sounds like just the ticket to me, too. The spcial safety centre got me in… ;)

    Good god… If they could only see the hell we go through. Functional, my arse. I usually have to take a day off work every month.

    Wendy – Hehehe. Hey, I think I’ve seen that ad. So many of the old ones are completely ludicrous. And that’s why I love ‘en.. ;)

  6. People were such hop-heads back in the day. We like to think of those old-timers as being stuffy conservatives but they were pretty loose with the pain-killers, weren’t they? (not to mention Coca-Cola being made with actual cocaine). My mom has a fondness for vintage miscellanea and has THIS ad hanging in her bathroom. The funny part is that the absence of codeine, morphine, and cocaine is just a nifty perk instead of a rigorously enforced standard. That was a selling point. “Now with 50% less opium!”

    A hint you’re looking at a really dated ad: use of the word “druggists”.

    Sorry about the monthly torture. Personally, I think you skirts got it easy. We fellas gotta get up at the crack o’ dawn and work sunup to sunset, every day but Sundee. Dames ain’t got nothin’ ta complain about!


  7. Hah! I love that poster your mom has in her bathroom. I wonder if that actually was a sslling point? I’d have thought people might have liked their pain killers with a bit of a kick…

  8. “With all the technology in the world, can someone please invent a “cure” for all the horrors of women’s periods?”

    I know I’m totally coming in late on this discussion, but I’ve recently discovered something that actually works, at least for the cramps and moodiness. I drink a few cups of Dong Quai tea (I like the Yogi brand, it’s organic) at the first sign of trouble every month, and it fixes me right up! No cramps, no blues, no bitchies. I love this stuff. :^)

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